The Messy Middle

You may have noticed our social media has been quiet lately. And by quiet, I mean non-existent. Where did these people go?

1 month ago we woke up on a Saturday morning and found ourselves being thrust into transition. My husband’s position at work had been dissolved. We knew this might be a possibility, but we didn’t actually believe it would be our reality. We prayed about this. We prayed against this. We asked the company to work with us. We did everything we could do in our own human strength. God still shut this door.

We found ourselves in the messy middle. In the middle of a storm where when it rains it pours and everything goes haywire all at the same time. I’m sure you too know those seasons of life. Where no matter what you do, everything from a human perspective seems to be falling apart around you and all you can do is keep your head above water. All you can do is hang on. Every effort, every attempt seems like you are spinning your wheels and getting nowhere.

Without going too much into detail, while my husband was (in essence) laid off, we also found ourselves in court, battling for our kids. Battling for what we believed was right. Battling to protect them, to provide stability and peace for them. No one in that court room could comprehend what happened that day. Lawyers sitting in, that were not involved in this case, shook their heads in disbelief. A sheriff apologized to my husband for the outcome because he just couldn’t believe it and felt it wasn’t right. But God still allowed it.

So we grieved. And I was angry. Very angry. I found myself struggling not to be angry at God. I didn’t understand. From my own human wisdom, I could not understand why we were experiencing everything we were going through. I try to be a good person. I try to seek God’s will. I try to help those in need. So why? Why God? Why me? Why us? Why? As we were emerging from a week of processing, grieving, and grappling for understanding, sickness struck our household. Poor me, poor us, woe is thou.

Why does it feel the more we chase after God, the more we seek His will, the harder our life becomes? Why does it feel others can do as they wish, with no regard, and seemingly walk through this life unscathed?

Today we pressed pause.

We spent the morning reflecting on the last month.

“The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time.”
Psalms 34:17-19

When we are broken hearted and feel God isn’t with us, He is the closest.

Without these hard times, there is no opportunity for the Lord to rescue us. These seasons of hardship test our faith. They allow us to choose to either drift from Him or grow closer to Him. These seasons are for growth. To build our faith and our endurance.

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let It grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”
James 1:2-4

So what is the point? What is the point in knowingly putting ourselves through hardship and persecution? What is the point in pressing forward and not giving up?

“Truly God is good to Israel, to those whose hearts are pure. But as for me, I almost lost my footing. My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone.

I envied the proud when I saw them prosper despite their wickedness. They seem to live such painless lives; their bodies are so healthy and strong. They don’t have troubles like other people; they’re not plagued with problems like everyone else. They wear pride like a jeweled necklace and clothe themselves with cruelty. These fat cats have everything their hearts could ever wish for! They scoff and speak only evil; in their pride they seek to crush others. They boast against the very heavens, and their words strut throughout the earth.

And so people are dismayed and confused, drinking in all their words. ‘What does God know?’ they ask. ‘Does the Most High even know what’s happening?’

Look at these wicked people- enjoying a life of ease while their riches multiply.

Did I keep my heart pure for nothing?

Did I keep myself innocent for no reason?

I get nothing but trouble all day long; every morning brings me pain. If I had really spoken this way to others, I would have been a traitor to your people. So I tried to understand why the wicked prosper. But what a difficult task it is!

Then I went into your sanctuary, O God, and I finally understood the destiny of the wicked. Truly, you put them on a slippery path and send them sliding over the cliff to destruction. In an instant they are destroyed, completely swept away by terrors. When you arise, O Lord, you will laugh at their silly ideas as a person laughs at dreams in the morning.

Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside. I was so foolish and ignorant- I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth.

My heart may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.

Those who desert him will perish, for you destroy those who abandon you. But as for me, how good it is to be near God! I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter, and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do.”
- Psalm 73 NLT

In this place of pause, from this place of reflection, we can see God’s hand. God has put others in our life to help us through. For so long we have tried to do everything on our own, in our own strength. Never wanting to accept help, never wanting to feel like a burden, but that’s not reality. God wants us to work in unity with THE church. He wants the body to take care of each other as one unit. God wants us to work and live in harmony and community. Sharing each other’s burdens and helping each other in all things. God gave us community when we needed it most. We have been so richly blessed from these people God has placed in our life. We have been given work through side-jobs to help pay the bills, we have been loaded up with food to get us by, we have been given a special person who loved on our children while we experienced the hardest day of our lives so far with our other children, we have been given words of wisdom that probably kept me from giving up entirely, “All of this was not in vain. All of the work you did with them this summer. Everything you poured into them, was not in vain.”

All I can do is cling to hope and trust in the Lord. Trust in His plan. Because I can not see what He sees or know what He knows.

“So let us not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.”
- Galatians 6:9

“Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.”
- Matthew 6:19-21

“The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again. But one disaster is enough to overthrow the wicked.”
Proverbs 24:16

And with that, we will pick ourselves back up again and continue our march forward. All we can do is trust and have faith that God will continue to provide as He always has during this messy middle transition season as we move from one job and income source to a new one that is still being revealed to us. That our children will be protected, the ones in our home and the ones afar. And that we will live each day in peace. Seeking the Lord’s will in all we do.

“And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.”
- Luke 11:9-10

That is our prayer today.

If you find yourself in the messy middle of transition or needing prayer today, we would love to pray for you and with you. You can submit your prayer request here.